When I find myself angry, frustrated, upset, etc. I ask myself this question: “Why?” What is it about this circumstance or situation that troubles me. After I have determined the appropriate answer I then have two choices:
Let it go - forgive.
Hold on to it.
The first choice frees me and allows me to walk in love. I know that I am abiding in Christ’s command to forgive as He has forgiven me.
The second choice has a lot more complications attached to it and will take me to places that are not emotionally, physically, or spiritually healthy. I know because I lived there for years. Would you like to hear some bitter irony about being bitter? In my anger and bitterness towards the people who hurt me, I was angry and bitter to everyone else. Especially my own wife and children. I almost lost them to my hate. But God, who is rich in mercy, saved us from that.
So the question I put before you, the reader today is this: What do you do with your anger?
Do you forgive and let it go? Or do you hold on to it and wait for your “pound of flesh” to be satisfied? Here’s an example:
I was in a meeting years ago while on staff at a church and this particular church member just kept on coming at me. I was not “doing my job”, “people were angry and going to leave the church”, pastors you know the drill - the same ol’ same ol’ blah blah that critical Christians like to spew. So it was time to cut through the pile of pooh and I simply asked: “What will it take for this to be resolved to your satisfaction?” Because I already knew the answer. I just wanted them to say it out loud for everyone else to hear.
My resignation.
That was their pound of flesh - me leaving, because their Christianity did not allow for forgiving others or reconciliation, you know actually being a church family. No, their Jesus allows them to do what they want because he loves them and has a wonderful plan for their life and that plan doesn’t include people they don’t deem worthy of their love.
See Luke 6:32-33 for further insight.
Of course they did not speak out loud what they wanted because critical Christians1 cannot be the bad guy - at least not publicly. There has to be an appearance of godliness to uphold but behind closed doors is another story; but in a public setting the truth of their heart is masked by 30 years of faithful church attendance and smiling ruefully after every stanza of Just As I Am.
How many churches are destroyed for a pound of flesh? All because someone was offended by a preacher, deacon, ministry idea was shot down, vote didn’t go their way, etc.. You are just “mad as hell” (Actual quote said out loud after a church member did not get their way at a business meeting) and you are going to make the offender pay dearly for it. The majority of the time they do and it goes unchecked by the congregation. The dirty unpleasantness that is just swept under the rug because we just cannot bear the thought of Bitter Betty leaving the church.
How about it Lifeway? How about doing some real research into church life and trends. Do research that matters or maybe your holding a broom or two? You see, that kind of truth will not sell books.
Does your flesh need to be satisfied today? Are you seeking your pastors resignation because you just don’t like him? He’s not living up to your standard of what a pastor should be? Do you not care that his family will be devastated by your actions, that the church you claim to love will be destroyed.2 No, you don’t. Because the flesh does not care about such things. The flesh just needs to be satisfied, the flesh craves justification for finite feelings. I am right and you are wrong - you will always be wrong because I will always be right.
You see what that pound of flesh really exacts?
No?
I didn’t think you did.
I know, I get the irony here that a critical Christian is seen criticizing in the public square. But the good ones do it ever so sneakily. Kenny Rogers would be proud.
Silly me, I keep forgetting your Jesus allows for this type of behavior in your church. By all means keep living your best life now.
You haven’t added to my troubles. I totally understand your comment about abusive pastors. I’ve spoken with many people who have been abused by a pastor. Church hurt is hard to overcome because you’re hurt by professing Christians who are supposed to love God and their neighbors. I write from my own personal experiences as a pastor and of course it is purely subjective and I have prayed for healing and reconciliation for many years for people who have hurt me in ministry. I desire for healing in the body of Christ but unfortunately that healing does not come if one party does not want it or desire it. All I can be or do is try my best to be obedient to The Word of God. Am I perfect? No. But my desire is to honor The Lord and walk in obedience. Thanks for your comment, have a blessed evening.
Interesting post. I suppose that you know there is another side to it.
I have seem many self-righteous pastors manipulate the congregation into doing what the pastor had determined was God's will and feel totally justified in it.
Many that think being a professional minister makes them more in tune with God, more knowledgeable, more plain out entitled. The cult of expertise is bad enough in government or public life, in the church it is pure Hell, like having your brother tell you he knows your dad better than you do because he studied him in college.
We can all agree that that church today is in a shameful state, so any expertise that any of us have should be highly suspect. The fundamental point is that we are all VASTLY overestimating our own spiritual maturity, actually the 'worldly Christian' who knows he is worldly and beats his breast saying 'Lord have mercy on me a sinner' is way ahead of us spiritual types.
I wrote on this issue some time ago here:
https://comfortwithtruth.substack.com/p/baby-christians
My sympathy in dealing with unforgiving brethren, I am sorry if I have added to your troubles. My experience as a laic tells me that it is easy to have bitterness grow up against a pastor and Bitter Betty may not be acting out of bitterness so much as genuine offense over possibly another matter entirely. It can be very difficult to fix because it isn't easy to take an apology from a pastor as sincere when you know that being humble is their career choice and being spiritual and loving is their power move. I might try something else, I might try telling Betty that I am bitter, that I am mad as hell too about some of the things that she has done, not mad as a pastor or an administrator, not mad for the good of the church or for the Lord's glory, just mad as a person, as a man. Maybe talk to her one sinner to another, after all the great prerequisite to receiving grace is...being a sinner who needs it.