I have definitely been there and even today am struggling a bit in this area because of the uniqueness of the situation. When I have done well in dealing with hurt and bitterness three things have helped.
1)Ownership. Taking a good long look at my self to see what I can own in the situation. Be careful that this doesn't become self condemnation eg. "I should have been a better Pastor...". Rather own what could have been different and learn from it.
2) Learning to allow them to be where they are. Obnoxious and hurtful people are spiritually immature. We don't expect toddlers to never have bad manners because they are still learning. Now, I understand these spiritual toddlers think they are grown ups but we know their actions speak so loud we can't hear a word they say. These people have never been properly disciple in some cases. And they may not let me disciple them either. But when I see them for what they ARE not what they SAY THEY ARE I can offer more grace.
3) Closure. Like those things that keep you up at night until you write them down somewhere unresolved relational conflict is an open loop that until we close it keeps itching in our mind. I have had to learn that closure is me knowing I did my due diligence to bring reconciliation, including honest and kind confrontation, and if it isn't enough then turning them over to the Lord is also closure.
Those are some of my lessons over the years. I hope that is helpful to someone out there.
Jun 3, 2022·edited Jun 3, 2022Liked by Scott Doran
Someone once said to me that "Love is finding out what someone needs and setting out to accomplish that." The only way you can find out what someone needs is by having a friendship, a relationship with that person. If that love is not reciprocated its ok then we love them the best they will allow. That being said, If you can throw them by the wayside then you never truly loved them to begin with.
You were raw and real, especially in today's post. And the question(s) about the fine line of loving/caring, cutting loose, etc. Is very deep and needs to be asked more. And wrestled with more.
I have definitely been there and even today am struggling a bit in this area because of the uniqueness of the situation. When I have done well in dealing with hurt and bitterness three things have helped.
1)Ownership. Taking a good long look at my self to see what I can own in the situation. Be careful that this doesn't become self condemnation eg. "I should have been a better Pastor...". Rather own what could have been different and learn from it.
2) Learning to allow them to be where they are. Obnoxious and hurtful people are spiritually immature. We don't expect toddlers to never have bad manners because they are still learning. Now, I understand these spiritual toddlers think they are grown ups but we know their actions speak so loud we can't hear a word they say. These people have never been properly disciple in some cases. And they may not let me disciple them either. But when I see them for what they ARE not what they SAY THEY ARE I can offer more grace.
3) Closure. Like those things that keep you up at night until you write them down somewhere unresolved relational conflict is an open loop that until we close it keeps itching in our mind. I have had to learn that closure is me knowing I did my due diligence to bring reconciliation, including honest and kind confrontation, and if it isn't enough then turning them over to the Lord is also closure.
Those are some of my lessons over the years. I hope that is helpful to someone out there.
Someone once said to me that "Love is finding out what someone needs and setting out to accomplish that." The only way you can find out what someone needs is by having a friendship, a relationship with that person. If that love is not reciprocated its ok then we love them the best they will allow. That being said, If you can throw them by the wayside then you never truly loved them to begin with.
You were raw and real, especially in today's post. And the question(s) about the fine line of loving/caring, cutting loose, etc. Is very deep and needs to be asked more. And wrestled with more.