Honestly, you do not have to be a pastor or in ministry to be bitter. We all have had moments in our life where we have been wronged, hurt, betrayed, and broken by people. And then in defiance of Scripture we hold on to the anger, let the sun go down on it and it turns into bitterness. Okay, maybe not “we” but definitely me. I’m bitter. My wife and I were discussing it this morning and I was lamenting on how hurt and angry I still am for past hurts in the church. For me and my family this has all been done by people who say that they are Christians. I struggle with loving others who do not reciprocate, but I know that following Christ means loving others regardless how they treat you. It is a daily fight against bitterness for me as I renounce my sin and ask for forgiveness and forgive those who have hurt me. This happens everyday and I am so tired of dealing with it. You have no idea of how bad I just want to walk away from it all. If you are a pastor reading this and you’ve been through the hurt then you can emphasize. You know what I am going through. To those who have not experienced this bitterness I pray that you never do!
How delightfully good when brothers live together in harmony! -Psalm 133:1
Maybe I was just naïve to think we should live together in harmony as we love God and each other. I have pastor friends who easily throw people to the curb who are not walking according to Scripture. Maybe that is how I should deal with people? Just give up on them and move on? Does that mean I stop caring? How do you separate loving others and letting go of them? When is it time to “shake the dust off my feet” towards Christians who are unloving to my family and I?
Do you struggle with the inner turmoil as I do? I’m just being real, something that is sorely lacking in today’s church. We’ve built a façade, an artificial atmosphere where nothing can be wrong and no one can be hurting. Instead of hope, redemption, and forgiveness we have built houses of arrogance, pride, and self-righteousness. We go so far as to say that “our church is better than your church”. We are afraid to walk the aisle because of what others will think about us. We could care less about what God thinks. And we wonder why our churches are failing. We do not want hope or redemption or forgiveness. We do not want to live in harmony and love and in reverence to God. No, we want the fake storefront and we all fight to be the manager. Meanwhile the pastor is blamed and his life and families life becomes a living hell by people who love God. Maddening isn’t it?
Welcome to church! Where just as I am is really do as I say or we’ll find someone to tickle our ears. Yeah I’m bitter. I’m tired.
Sometimes the only conclusion that I can come to is that the people who say they’re Christians really are not. After all, shouldn’t a child of God hear His voice through His Word? Shouldn’t a child of God obey God? “I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me…” -John 10:14.
The subtitle for this “How do you deal with the bitterness of ministry” wasn’t a rhetorical question. I really would like to know how you deal with bitterness because I am struggling. I read Paul’s admonition in Ephesians 4:31 “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every for of malice.” So how do you just “get rid of it”? I honestly want to know because I’m bitter, I’m tired.
Hopefully someone reading this can offer me insight on how they deal with bitterness or how you are currently dealing with bitterness.
It’s hard to trust God right now. I’ve prayed for years for healing with no answer. My faith is dry. This is just an honest post for today.
Wouldn’t it be great if Christians really were Christ-like?
I have definitely been there and even today am struggling a bit in this area because of the uniqueness of the situation. When I have done well in dealing with hurt and bitterness three things have helped.
1)Ownership. Taking a good long look at my self to see what I can own in the situation. Be careful that this doesn't become self condemnation eg. "I should have been a better Pastor...". Rather own what could have been different and learn from it.
2) Learning to allow them to be where they are. Obnoxious and hurtful people are spiritually immature. We don't expect toddlers to never have bad manners because they are still learning. Now, I understand these spiritual toddlers think they are grown ups but we know their actions speak so loud we can't hear a word they say. These people have never been properly disciple in some cases. And they may not let me disciple them either. But when I see them for what they ARE not what they SAY THEY ARE I can offer more grace.
3) Closure. Like those things that keep you up at night until you write them down somewhere unresolved relational conflict is an open loop that until we close it keeps itching in our mind. I have had to learn that closure is me knowing I did my due diligence to bring reconciliation, including honest and kind confrontation, and if it isn't enough then turning them over to the Lord is also closure.
Those are some of my lessons over the years. I hope that is helpful to someone out there.
Someone once said to me that "Love is finding out what someone needs and setting out to accomplish that." The only way you can find out what someone needs is by having a friendship, a relationship with that person. If that love is not reciprocated its ok then we love them the best they will allow. That being said, If you can throw them by the wayside then you never truly loved them to begin with.