You want to be liked and loved by everyone. Honestly, who really wants to be hated? When I was an associate pastor1 my ministerial world was just locked into teenagers and their families, a few sorted church duties, and filling in for the pastor when he was on vacation. For the most part everyone in the church either loves you or is neutral when it comes to the associate pastor.2 I said “yes” most of the time in youth ministry and when I said “no” it didn’t upset anyone.3 What prompted this article today was coming across a Carey Nieuwhof Tweet about saying “yes”. Here is the Tweet:
After serving as a pastor in a small SBC church for 9 years I know what it means to say “yes” and lose focus on what God called me to do. In my desire to be loved and liked by everyone in the congregation I bent over backwards to please everyone. Especially those who disliked me. In the process I almost destroyed myself and family because what I learned was that the people who dislike you don’t care if you bend over backwards for them. In that discovery, anger towards them and bitterness set in. I have already written about that so I won’t go there today.4
So I don’t bend anymore. I learned a valuable lesson, people who claim Jesus as savior do not follow Him as Lord. They ignore clear commands in Scripture because in their minds their dislike overrides God and their life bares that fruit. I do not feel anger anymore just sadness.
So, if you are reading this and you need a “yes” from your “yes” to feel approved or loved please reconsider because it really isn’t worth it. Saying “yes” can lead to a mess if you do not have boundaries in place.
Yes, pastors are allowed to have boundaries, we are allowed to live our lives and go on vacation. The people in your church who truly love you, know this.
Have a blessed day,
Scott
Or “youth pastor” to the ones who are hung up on titles or “youth minister” to those who look down upon the position OR “youth director” for those who have zero respect for the position. I’ve served with all types.
I know there are a few cases where associates are hated but that is normally contained within the context of youth ministry.
Because those people respected me.
Praise God my family and I are in a much better place now through His grace and mercy, and counseling.