I wrote a Substack note awhile ago about being honest and authentic in ministry and how people have told me that by doing that I sabotage any chance of being hired by another church if I ever felt led to leave the one I serve now.1
So if that be the case then today’s ‘Stack will put the nail in the proverbial church hiring coffin.2 I will do a few articles on living with Psoriatic Arthritis and how it affects my body, my mind, my spiritual life, my family, etc.
So today I will focus on how it affects my body. I have attached two pictures of my left knee (below) taken in July of 2020 two different pictures taken about three weeks apart.3 If you are suffering with Psoriatic Arthritis then you know what I went through, thank The Lord that my knees have stayed normal since the swelling came down. This is what we go through, this is real life for us:
The swelling was so bad that I could not bend my knee, the pain is such that over the counter Tylenol, Ibuprofen, Aspirin, Aleve, etc. etc. has zero affect. My left knee has swelled up like this multiple times in my life.
For those who know me know that I cannot turn my head much anymore. I have very little range of motion because of Psoriatic Arthritis. I’ve seen my neck MRI. It is not pretty. You sit there thinking “This is going on inside of me?” the arthritis has dried up my C74 and it is now a “dry hole”. Now, because of this, I have an appointment with an Ortho Surgeon in June for my left arm - my ulnar nerve has potentially gone bad. I had a nerve conduction test done to reveal all of this. If you have never had a nerve conduction test done, don’t. They insert needles into various parts of your arm and hand then shock you, repeatedly. No, it is not fun.
It is hard for me to drive now because of my neck. I have a handicap placard now. It was humbling to ask my doctor for one but when you cannot see to get out of a parking space, well, you need every advantage you can get.
My specialist was going over my hip x-rays with me (after my neck MRI) and said “I shouldn’t be seeing this in a 51 year old man. I’m looking at the hips of a retired NFL linebacker.” To which my response was: “Well, I don’t have the money of a retired NFL linebacker.”
Can you, the reader, imagine losing 95% range of motion in your neck? How that would affect your everyday life? Then add in a swollen knee and two arthritic hips from a retired NFL linebacker. This is everyday. This is life. Oh, throw in the normal joint stiffness in the lower spine, shoulders, ankles, and feet. It is called chronic pain. I will delve more into this over the next few posts.
This is not going to be a series of Substacks for your pity. I do not need nor desire that. If you love me then you love me if you don’t then you don’t. Simple as that. I am writing about my psoriatic arthritis to raise awareness of how it affects me and others like me in our daily life. People with arthritis suffer, some of us suffer badly. So over the next few posts you’ll see how the physical affects the mental, spiritual, and family life of this Pastor.
The next starry night go outside and look up, take in the majestic beauty of our creator God. I lost that ability years ago - please don’t take for granted the little things in life because one day you may not be able to enjoy them.
Apparently God’s power is hampered by my writing - who knew?
Honestly, I don’t want to be in a church that doesn’t understand real life or real pain because that church would be just “going through the motions”.
Yes, three weeks. When my knee swells it stays that way until it decides to go back to normal.
The nerve is also pinched.
Thank you for sharing this. I understand all too well about chronic pain as it affects my life and my daughter's life. Keep posting keep sharing and be a voice for others who go through this as well. Your thoughts and feelings are real and you helps others by understanding and connecting. That's the one thing that people need is to know that they are not alone. The effect that chronic pain has in all aspects of life is real. The worst thing that can be done is to ignore what someone is going through. It alienates and that to me is cruel, cold, unempathetic and not the way to show someone you love them. Keep writing! Keep sharing! Write a book even! But don't stop what you are doing. ❤️
Brother. Keep writing. Keep holding fast. Praying for you. Let’s talk this week.