Comedic Truth

Expectations in a congregation of highly opinionated people.

Two of my favorite follows on the App formally known as Twitter are The Angry Nursery Worker and Lloyd Legalist. Both of these accounts spit out comedic truth taken from years of observation.

I had a conversation with a colleague years ago who drove a beat-up Mazda Miata. He told me that a woman approached him after church to inform him that the church paid him too much because of the car he drove. It was “too sporty looking” or something like that and a pastor shouldn’t have a car like that.

Didn’t you know that the contract we sign with God specifically states that we and our families are not allowed to have anything nice? That is for the congregation to decide and vote on if necessary.¹

The Angry Nursery Worker on @X

I chuckle when I read posts like the one I share in this Substack because I know that somewhere out there someone sitting in a Baptist Church actually believes this or something similar.

I have experienced this in my time of ministry and every pastor who reads this has experienced unrealistic expectations. My favorite is probably the spiritual gift of ESP - knowing when someone needs pastoral care completely on my own without being told. Then get blamed for “not being there in our time of crisis”.

“I want you to be here for me but only on my terms and my schedule because my family and I are more important than your wife and kids. That’s what we pay you for.”

This pretty much sums up most of the SBC mindset when it comes to pastoral ministry. I’ve lived it for 23 years in multiple churches. I’ve had angry conversations with other pastors who have told me the same. “That’s what we pay you for” is a verbal slap across your pastor’s face.

And yes, the last line is true: the people always get mad and leave anyway. It is the same old tried-and-true: “The pastor wasn’t there enough,” “The pastor didn’t say the right words,” or “The pastor doesn’t preach the right way.”

Heaven forbid we call for repentance or live a righteous life with The Lord.²

Funny how it’s always the pastor’s fault in every situation in the church. It’s never the fault of anyone in the congregation because they took a vote by secret ballot at a secretly called business meeting to make sure it’s not their fault.³

I’ve written Ad nauseam on this topic and I’ve had conversations with our deacons and church members on this topic. I’ve helped younger pastors in their struggle with unrealistic expectations because I know the pain and frustration they can bring in pastoral ministry. And those unrealistic expectations don’t go away no matter how many times you point them out because every church member knows exactly how you’re supposed to pastor the church. They’re all different from one another and they’re all right at the same time. This is where unrealistic expectations are born.

So pastor take a deep breath and keep on serving The Lord the best you can. Set your boundaries and protect your family time. You can expect some people in your congregation to be angry with you for it but that’s okay. Let them get mad your family is your first ministry. If you ever need to talk or vent you can always reach out to me at revdoran@gmail.com.

What I have found to be true is the people who genuinely love you will respect you and understand that your family time is important. The people who don’t love you won’t respect you or your family time. You are more likely to get a public apology from Steve Lawson than to receive grace from them.⁴

Now if you’ll kindly excuse me I have to go and crunch some numbers to figure out how to buy my three children their Christmas gifts on $15,345 a year.

1. Everyone knows that nothing ever goes wrong with a congregational vote.

2. DON’T YOU JUDGE ME!

3. This actually happened one time at a church where I served as an associate pastor. It ended pretty much as you’d expect for the pastor and the church. Think Hindenburg and you’ll be close.

4. Too soon?