The kind of talk Christians don't like.
I sit here on a Monday morning typing this to popular “worship” music played instrumentally on a piano. It’s funny because I don’t recognize any of it. I don’t recognize me right now, just being honest. I admitted to The Lord this morning that I have zero faith when it comes to my prayer life and His answering. I see no need to pray anymore. Why bother? People get upset at talk like this. I get it, how dare I speak to God like that! Isn’t it funny that nobody else struggles? I guess I am the only one who doesn’t understand why God is silent. Maybe He just answers other people’s prayers. My life is burning down around me, and yet… God just stays quiet. I truly do not understand. Empty is a good word for me this gloomy morning. I just feel empty and the hard part is going out the front door and faking a smile and put on my happy Jesus to everyone else because they cannot handle real talk from a broken Christian.
This will be short and I will not send it out like normal. If your a normal reader and you’re checking daily then please pray for me. Could you do that? Could you pray for a man that has given his life to the church he serves and broke his family in the process? All for what? Emptiness. For people who don’t give a damn.
And for whoever stumbles across this small post today what you just read is real, from a real Christian who has daily struggles, who feels abandoned by God and who is on the brink of giving up. I don’t know what that will look. I really don’t.