“Yes, Good Morning! What a glorious day The Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it!”
That is usually how I start off our Sunday morning worship service with a pretend smile on my face (For the past few years now) and anxiety in my soul. I’m talking anxiety today because it is real and a majority of pastors deal with it on some level in ministry. The trouble is that a majority of those pastors will not confess that they suffer or deal with anxiety for fear of whatever the repercussions may be in the church that they serve. I was so afraid for a long time to admit that I was dealing with anxiety and depression because I did not know how my church would react. Let’s be honest about church for a second in America: we’re fake. Yep, I said it. Go listen to Casting Crowns “Stained Glass Masquerade” - they sum it up perfectly.
So imagine my fear when I am filling in for our adult Sunday School teacher five years ago and talk about Spurgeon’s “Dark Night of the Soul” in my own life. And on cue I was told that it was “nothing”, “You’re a pastor, you are not supposed to be this way.”, “If you were really saved you would not be this way”. Read that last air quote again, I’ll wait. People have this misconception that pastors are immune to pain, that we are “super Christians” who are impervious to anything and everything that is thrown at us or shoved down our throats. We are sinners just like YOU. Read that line again. We are constantly attacked by some spiritually immature “church” member about some petty issue or some church member who thinks they can pastor a church better. Some are spiritually immature and some are just flat out wicked and evil. I could write an entire series on those people, and maybe I will.
This past Saturday night I was frozen in my home with anxiety in my chest and breathing heavy when a church member texted “You okay today?” (This man has been a real blessing to me since he and his family joined the church a few years back.) My response to him was: “No, and tomorrow I have to go act like everything is okay at church.” Because that is the culture we have created in our churches: fake. A hospital for sinners is no good when nobody will confess their sin. Meditate on that for awhile.
I wish more pastors had the courage to confess their anxiety and I wish more churches had the grace to help their pastors instead of destroying them.
Let me leave you with 1st Peter 5:7 “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” Think about everything Peter went through as a disciple of Christ and then as an Apostle. This man knew anxiety and if Christ was good enough for him to cast his cares on then pastors Christ is good enough for us.