The first church that I ever served in was Beulah Baptist Church located in Franklin County, VA. It was a small Southern Baptist church and I was hired on as the “Summer Youth Pastor” and that turned into 2 years and treasured friendships all these years later. I remember vividly walking down the hall to my office during my first week thinking “This is awesome, I’m being called to ministry by The Lord and this is going to be my only church!”. {INSERT LAUGHTER EMOJI HERE} As my byline says “Remembering my naivete of year one”…
By the end of my first year I was broken. I did not know how to simply say “No” to someone and I wrongly thought that everyone had to like me/love me because I was on staff. I thought that being a good minister meant saying “Yes” to every request or demand put forth by “church members” - I seem to be putting those words in quotes more and more these days. Sadly, this mindset did not fully go away until August of this year (2022).
I distinctly remember praying: “Lord if this is ministry then I want out.”. I was young and naïve and just honestly thought: “Lord, aren’t we all supposed to be Christians? Aren’t we all supposed to love you and love each other? Why is it not like this in the church?”. Twenty-one years later I could still ask these same questions but I have spiritually matured since those summer days of 2001. I understand the difference between a “sheep” and a “goat” and that they both reside in the same pen. Goats have no desire for the things of God, mind you, by appearance they do but their behavior tells a different story. I saw a quote on social media awhile back that I want to share:
When a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you. The misinformation will seem unfair, but stay above it! Trusting that other people will see the truth.
Goats are toxic and will do whatever they can to have control over you, if you’re a pastor reading this then you know because you’ve had goats trying to control you in the church. Looking back at my first church we had our share of toxic people who did not care about the things of God, who did not care about serving The Lord (Unless it was done their way), or loving God and loving others. We are commanded as believers to love God and love others. Sadly, as I have said in previous posts that just does not happen in our churches. What is even sadder is that the congregation allows it to happen. I guess it is easier to get a new pastor than to stand up to ungodliness. I write about this a lot because it is a major problem. I have resolved in my life not to be a part of that anymore. If someone is toxic and does not want to repent then I follow Titus 3:10-11:
Warn a divisive person once, and then warn him a second time. After that, have nothing to do with him. You may be sure that such a man is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.
If that seems harsh then stop being toxic, stop being divisive, repent and walk in love. Grow up in the faith that you claim to have in Christ. Be spiritually mature. This also applies to pastors as well. I write from the perspective of a pastor but I also know that we are guilty of goat behavior and we can and have wrecked churches. The answer is repentance and reconciliation: “Forgive as the Lord has forgiven you.”. The question always before us: Are we desiring repentance?
I will close with another quote from Facebook by MindJournal:
Some people will never ask for your side of the story, because the side that they heard fits the description of how they want to feel about you.
That is powerful, that is truth, and that behavior is in our churches.
Goats.
Part of me wishes I could go back to my first church and redo everything. But as you said God had other plans. I’m thankful to be where I am in this time. Waiting on The Lord is sometimes hard to do. Just ask my wife and she will tell you!
I can relate to all of those in between quotes. I’ve had a lifetime of toxic people and when I started standing up for myself and stopped entertaining them a while back they went out of their way to warp the views of others about me. That is very very damaging to a person, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It’s still being done to me to this day. Narcissistic personality types especially love doing this. Good article!