So here is an experience that I had with a church member awhile back that has not been back to church because of the events of the last two years. (You know what I am referring to but in order not to be censored I have to write it that way). My fellow pastors know what I am talking about because so many have left the church over the past two years. It is crazy and has been a real mental drag on us, any pastor who is honest - sorry televangelists - will admit that.
So I am talking on the phone with this person and they are telling me about all their woes and boo-boo’s of how life has been horrible and when there is a break in the conversation I talk about how life has been hard for my family and I during this time too. I talk about how my wife had a breakdown (It has been one year now since that happened) and how we were struggling to keep it all together ourselves during this time. When I was done speaking there was a pause… you know… silence on the other end… and then this person continued on like I had said nothing. I was stunned. Here was someone who expected me to be there for them and their family but did not care one bit about my family or me. These are people that I have known, visited with, prayed with, ministered with, etc.
My family did not matter to them.
In the midst of my pain and my family's pain they didn’t give a damn. I’m sorry to use that word but nothing else conveys what I am trying to say - except that expression. Side note: if that offends you then you probably need to check out now and move on with life.
And then it clicked: Only a handful of people checked on me and my family during this time, and by handful I mean I can count them on one hand and not reach five. Wait, aren’t we supposed to be “all in this together”? HA! What a load of crap. Pastors, here is a very important lesson that I have learned during this time - Man made Southern Baptist tradition will trump any virus… ever. Oh, the tradition you ask? That it is the pastor’s sole responsibility to check on everyone and be a Superman at all times in all ways to all people at the sacrifice of his own family. That about sum it up?
You know it and I know it, and if you do not know it, you will. I’m just the one speaking up.
You cannot pastor someone who does not want to be pastored. You cannot shepherd someone who does not want to be shepherded. Once you come to the realization of this truth ministry will become easier because you can focus on who is in front of you and not on who has left.